Who are you really?

One of the things that India does is forces you to ask the hard questions. Mostly the hard questions about yourself and how you view the world and where your personal values really fall.

During my three months (yes, it has been nearly 3!!) in India perhaps one of the most challenging aspects has been coming face to face with some of the things about myself I am not always comfortable with. Some of the values and fears (mostly fears) I have that perhaps had not been forced until I got to India, the land of 'in your face'.

This reality about India sort of came to a head during an experience I had last weekend. But, before I go into that experience I want to provide a little background.

Those of you who know much about me or what I am doing know that I am altruistic, optimistic and tenacious. That I really do believe in the goodness of people and their desire and ability to succeed and achieve whatever their definition of 'self realization' might be. I believe in people.

And, perhaps until I came to India I was always filled with compassion when I saw others in desperate situations. What I felt was compassion - not fear or disgust or repulsion or judgement but compassion.

During my time in India I have had to admit that my compassion is not, in fact, ubiquitous. I have had to admit (something I already knew but maybe did not want to apply to myself) that no one person is pure altruism or pure selfishness. That, at the end of the day what we are all is human and that being human involves being afraid and having an ego and not wanting to lose or be lost among many other things. Being human is, by definition, being completely and utterly imperfect.

There have been many times already when I have had to admit that rather than feeling compassion I felt repulsion- that while I sat in my auto on my way home I DID NOT WANT TO BE TOUCHED by the filthy begging woman tapping my knee - or that the woman holding the bleeding baby in her arms may or may not have staged the entire thing to earn 1 extra Rs. or that the little boy who bangs on the car window filthy from head to toe is wasting his existence and that we have all failed in some terrible way by making his best option begging in the traffic.

I admit this to myself almost daily. My compassion has limitations and my optimism gets overwhelmed. India overwhelms me from time to time with its sheer level of desperation, wealth and contradictions.

but, last Saturday I experienced something which made it all a bit more poignant.

I was coming home from work in an auto (this is important because it means you are touchable..not like a car).

We stopped at a major intersection and, as always, there were beggars milling around asking for money. I am always a target, if I am noticed (which is typically what happens) they always come to my auto. Hey, it actually makes sense - I am white which means I am rich (which I sort of am in this world).

This situation is no big deal...I have been here before.

In front of me on my left (the most open side of the auto) a man turns around and spots me instantly. Still no big deal...I have been here before. But, as he turns and begins to limp toward me this encounter takes on a whole new gravity.

He is limping, his left foot, there is something wrong with it and his left hand is wrapped in white cotton bandages and all the fingers...they end in a crumple after the first knuckle...there are no fingertips...just jagged nubs and as my eyes move from foot to hand to foot and then to his face where his nose is an erosion, a blighted lump, not a nose but a cavity a destroyed abyss of what was human flesh the realization hammers into my consciousness with urgency.

LEPER, LEPER, LEPER, this man is a leper.

And, I am scared. I am feeling a very guttural reaction and instinct to protect myself to ensure that I NEVER LOOK LIKE HIM.

And, I know, I KNOW without a doubt that this man is going to touch me because if he tries to touch me the more likely I am to give him money, just to get him to go away.

And, I am trapped in the back of this auto stuck in bumper to bumper traffic just trying to get home from work.

My mind is clamoring for options while I am also in a sort of curious trance. As this man approaches I can't stop looking at him and I can't stop trying to understand his story while at the same time I am praying that he understands and has compassion for my situation (oh, god, please don't touch me!). He is toothless, nose-less, left-fingerless and left foot-less. And, as he comes closer the whole meaning of leprosy sinks in. It has nibbled away at his body like some strange mouse. None of the fracture or disappearance is clean. Flesh has crumbled from his body. He is a living erosion.

And as he approaches I make the decision not to give him money knowing that he will touch me. And I make this decision because I know that this is what I am most afraid of. I make the decision to face this so I keep my hands in my lap, as far away from wallet as possible and I look him in the eye and I tell him No.

And, it does not change him at all. He continues to tap on my knee with his nibbed left hand and grin at me with all his ugliness and in the moment I want to scream I also have to admire his courage. The courage he has to be out here, showing himself and all its ugliness to the world. Knowing that all we are likely thinking is: "Please never let me look like this person."

As quickly as it began, it is over. The auto moves forward and I will never see this man again.

But, the memory will likely be with me forever.

I have been thinking on this experience a lot. Thinking about what it says about me and what it says about the world and us all as humans.

I don't feel badly for how I behaved, I have no idea if I did the right thing but I do know that I faced something about myself that day which I am not to keen on facing again - a bit of my own limitations, my own ugliness and self-centeredness and perhaps my own very real human-ness.

What I do know is that I have been working to arrange a trip with a group of aid-workers to a leper colony about 2 hours outside of Hyderabad for several months.

Since last Saturday I have sent more than one email to the organizers...telling them I want to go, whenever they go next.

Why? Because, I am going to continue to ask myself the hard questions and hopefully grow a little more for it.

I am afraid, but I am also committed to understanding.

India By Numbers

So, this was orginally posted on my fellow fellow's blog but I read it and thought "I have to share it with my people" (that would be all of you :)). I think it gives you a very good picture of some of the great and important differences between NYC and Mumbai, India. The #'s are actually stolen from the lonely planet.

After reading this I never, ever want to hear any NYer complain about it being crowded or dirty in NYC. Check out the number of public toilets per 1 Million people....

Number of black taxis: about 40,000 (13,000 yellow cabs in NYC

Pop. Density: 29,000 people per sq. km. (10,000 ppl p.sq.km. in NYC)

Avg. Annual Income: Rs48,900 (US$1000)

#. of public toilets for every 1 million people: 17

Percentage of ppl living in slums: 55%

#. of people passing through Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus daily: 2.5 million (compared to 125,000 in Grand Central)

You Know you have been in India a while when...

Along the lines of the last post, I have inspired myself. So, here is my list of "I know I have been in India quite some time when.."

1) It is 60+ degrees out and I find myself in a wool sweater with a long sleeved shirt underneath and jeans yet still slightly chilled on my ride to work....I have always been a wimp about the cold but India has totally ruined me.

2) Nothing really tastes spicey anymore.

3) You understand what someone means when they say a food has 'heat' (or, in my case, you are beginning to understand)...mangoes and papayas to name a few.

4) You no longer feel angry and self-righteous when a bus nearly hits you while you stand on the SIDE of the road. Rather, you feel very lucky that the driver had good depth perception. (please don't let me die by bus in India!).

5) You no longer negotiate with rickshaws. Rather, when they won't give you your change you grab the money, get out of the riskshaw and allow them to realize that you mean business. It works really well!

6) Whenever you drink water from any type of water bottle you never let it touch your lips.

7) Blowing black snot no longer surprises you...hey, its polluted!

8) You find yourself doing the NOD! Oh yeah, all the time these days.

9) You know that if you order a drink you will need to distinguish between a single or double and that you will have to mix it yourself.

10) As a woman you know that at all security check-points you will need to go see the woman security guard behind the area enclosed with curtains. We be sacred...can't see anyone touching us!

11) When the electricity goes out you hardly notice and certainly don't worry or get upset about it.

12) Water stops working at about 11 PM, if you come home late don't worry about brushing your teeth or washing your face or flushing the toilet.

13) The extrememly loud door bells no longer scare you.

14) Elevators here talk a lot and are very very annoying. "please close the door". Ahhhh...that actually still drives me INSANE.

Okay, that is really just the beginning but you get the point.

I couldn't make this up

So...after a long period of silence..I am back! Honestly I have been so busy with work that I have had little time to write..and I have been so busy with work - which isn't exactly the most exciting thing to write about. I am going to trust my assumption that you don't really want to hear about my work day :). If you do, just ask and I will fill you in!

What I am going to write about is what I consider to be the TOP 4 STRANGEST JOBS IN INDIA. Now, I don't know if I would call them strange (this is actually quite diplomatic). Some of them are downright disconcerting and other are just laughable. I am going to give my top 4 because the rest just aren't cool enough to warrant making a 'list'.

In India perhaps one of the most pervasive aspects is the amount of labor and therefore, the sheer amount of 'jobs' done. My list of top 4 does not include the street sweepers or the used shoe hawkers or the men who sell nuts and fried goodies or the women who braid and sell flowers to put in your hair. It does not include the people at every stop light who knock on your window (or your knee if it is an open vehicle) and offer you red devil horns (with blinking lights!) no matter what the day is. My list does not include the 5 rupees coconuts hacked open with machetes or the men who will offer you a blessing for a mere 20 Rs. No, my list is much better.

So...to the point. The top 4 strangest jobs in India (maybe ever). Listed from the least bizarre to most disconcerting.

4) The men who sharpen knives using the friction generated by pedaling their bikes. Do you need a sharp knife this morning? Well, fear not, walk onto the street, find one of these men and 10-20 Rs later.. you have a sharp knife. A very compact business since they carry their machinery with them...or rather, their machinery carries them!

3) Roadside Tattoos..This one falls more into the disconcerting category than anything. It took me many days of observing these men during my trip to work plus the experience of having my own tattoos to realize that yes, India, one of the dirtiest places on earth offers roadside tattoos...and real one. Pick your design - bulletin board is located right next to the artist - and ink away. I hope you have had your shots.

3) Roadside Dentists....Fear not, if you have a tooth ache in India there is likely a dentist with a chair somewhere within 10 Km. There is one in particular I think of with a tray of different sized pliers. Once again, downright scary..but true!

1) Drum Roll Please...this one deserves it. The single strangest and most disconcerting job in India: The man who cleans people's ears outside the bus stop near Secunderabad. This is no joke. You need your ear's cleaned? Well...he has q-tips and extra cotton (all hand made of course!). Honestly, makes me a little queasy to think about it, but....its India and you don't have to do anything yourself if you don't want to.

So, there is my short and sweet blog posting. I am hoping it makes you think and chuckle at the same time.

There is no place quite like India and it never ceases to keep me on my toes. Although...I have yet to find someone who will clean these toes on my way to work...hmmm...I guess I just need to give it a little time.

If nothing else, these jobs point to the ever-present entrepreneurial spirit of India. Everyone is figuring out how to make their mark.

That all for now, but I will be back again shortly.

Sankranti

Hello!

So, there is not too much going on here in India right now outside of work. However, there is one special little holiday which took place this past Thursday, Jan. 14th: SANKRANTI!

For those of you who have read Kite Runner this is the holiday the book is named after. For the past three days the rooftops of India have been filled with children flying kites and the sky has become a beautiful mosaic of kites in all colors, shapes and sizes. I have tried to take pictures but, of course, none of them did any justice and so I will not be posting them. They look like a picture of an overcast sky with some spots in it (which are kites).

Perhaps the most interesting part of the holiday is the competitions which go on among the kite flyer's. On most of the kites, the first 50 yards of string are laced in glass - this is to allow for 'cutting' of other kites. Here, flying kites is an art form and coveted skill. On Thursday, during the celebrations I went to a country club with friends and witnessed some teams of very competitive flyers. These competitions typically lead to lots of sliced fingers as the men pull and struggle with the kites trying to cut their competitors. It is really pretty cool!

I guess it is these types of holidays that really remind you how far from home you are. The energy and enthusiasm with which people fly kites here is sort of baffling to me but it is also a deeply rooted cultural tradition, and one which is slowly losing its meaning to the younger generations of Indians. In fact, this holiday has sparked more then one interesting conversation between myself and my Indian friends/acquaintances. Like any culture going through serious transition and development, here in Hyderabad and likely many other parts of India there is a constant push and pull of old and new: what will be salvaged and what will be left behind.

In some of these conversations I have witnessed a deep sadness among the parents who have seen Hyderabad change so drastically in the past 5-10 years. One parent in particular spoke to me about how much of the culture identity has become an identity of convenience. When talking about Sankranti he described as a child how different it was and how so many more people participated and the real gravity of the holiday. He guessed that participation had dropped by nearly 75% since he was a child.

And I guess behind all the sadness what I see is a real fear. A fear for the identities of their children and the deep set cultural values of 'traditional' India. I see it here everyday as people struggle with their identities as "Non-resident Indians" (Indians who were born in another country but are still of Indian heritage but did not grown up in India). And, the more I witness it the more I realize that this identity crisis might certainly become on of India's most challenging battles yet.

It is inevitable that the culture of India will change as it grows more wealthy, modern and educated. Seldom do people stop to consider what it is they would like to hang onto as they rush in the new. Certainly there are many advantages that come with education and wealth. It is my hope that the women of India will continue to gain traction in the choices they are allowed to make as well as the lives they choose to lead and I know that education and the influence of empowered women from around the world will be nothing but positive. I also know that education is likely the only way to solve population and disease issues as well as maternal and child health challenges.

The truth is India is becoming more and more Westernized (for lack of a better word) and the more developed and large the city is the more Western the people are. I can imagine and empathize with the father who watches his daughter walk the streets in mini-skirts and tank tops in a culture where women have always been considered somewhat 'sacred'. But then, of course, I can't help but realize that this is a form of empowerment, of having choice. The point is, the issue is so very complex and the solution is not clear or obvious and perhaps not something which can be controlled at all. But, I think it is worth thinking on and being aware of. Culture is important and helps to inform identity and values. Every culture has the good and the bad.

What I do know is I would be deeply sad to see the day when Saris weren't seen on every street and rickshaws didn't spot the roadway like ants.

And, it would be tragic to witness the day when no one flew kites during Sankranti.

Trains, buses and rickshaws

So, I spent this week on a marathon of travel with work. I was off - grid most of the time so that is largely the reason for the lack of correspondence.

I must say, that the travel I did this week was some of the most rigorous and uncomfortable I have ever done. I believe I have now experienced the worst bus ride of my life - yes, it even tops the chicken filled, hot as hell, dirty shit boxes I took across Costa Rica (holler to my cousins!). To be fair, the trains in India are actually quite nice and an easy, cheap way to travel around the country. The over-night trains are particularly good since they allow you to sleep the whole way (not the most comfortable sleep in the world - but, not too shabby either.)

The buses are a whole different story. I spent 4 hours on Wednesday morning of this week (mind you 5 AM - 9 AM) sitting in a seat that rattled so much I felt like I was on top of a jack hammer. For four hours my teeth chattered, my head bobbed and my ears bled as I chartered across India. It was so loud I could not even hear my Ipod at max volume.

The trip went something like this: Monday night overnight train to Rajamundry we work from 9 AM to 9 PM...get dinner plus 4 hours sleepTuesday morning up at 4 AM to catch a 4.5 hour bus to Vijayawada...work from 10 AM to 9 PM, same schedule but up at 5 AM to catch a train to Nellore.Work in Nellore Thursday until 8 PM. Take dinner to catch a train back to HYD at 9:30. Overnight train and back in the office Friday morning! It was intense!

But, I guess the reason I write this post is not to complain about my travel - I am actually estatic to have had the opportunity. The work and travel was intense but I got to see parts of India I may never reach again. There are so many photos I wish I could have taken but most of these sites were viewed through a window-pane (train or bus).

On the bus ride I got to see the sunrise over rice patties and palm trees. I saw the most beautiful flowers and trees. For the first time in India I saw real open space, it didn't smell and there was not honking every second (except for the bus itself).

In large, I saw a part of India which I think is very important for everyone to see. The part that wasn't filthy or crammed and clamouring with people. Yes, there was still abject poverty but it was mixed in with green, wide open spaces. Perhaps it is because of my own background that I appreciated this so much, but it really was breath-taking. This trip for the first time I began to fully appreciate the phrase Increadible! India.

I guess, perhaps the greatness comes from the vastness of this country where both the highest and lowest peaks in the world exist. There is so much diversity and it changes so quickly.

During this trip I also had my favorite drink of India thus far: Lime-Soda water (I don't remember the official name) basically they take fresh squeezed lime juice and mix it with soda water and sugar but it is YUMMY.

A few other realizations I have had about India:
1) There is a deep love for sugar here. Everything that can have sugar added to it has sugar added to it unless you specifically request otherwise.
2) There is a deep love for air-conditioning here. India does not do air-conditioning half-way. If it is on, it is ON. Seriously, half the time there is air conditioning I am freezing to death. Moderation is not of high value here (so far as I can tell).
3) There is not a deep love for coffee (which is pretty typical outside the US but so sad....:(
4) Pedicures are pointless...I refuse from this point forward.
5) There is great oral hygiene in India, people are always brushing their teeth..seriously! Everywhere you go you see someone brushing their teeth.
6) There are lots of sauces...which I kind of like. You get a little buffet at every meal.
7) Indians have a deep dislike for raw vegetables. In fact, all vegetables are cooked to within an inch of their life. The first thing I am having when I get back is a salad. I eat lots of RAW vegetables in my house behind closed doors so no one knows. Ha!

That is all for now. On a side note I broke down and bought a geiser which allows me to have hot showers...I hate being cold.

More soon.

Elephant Island/Bombay New Years..part 2

So, first a thank you to Suad, Angela and Yehia for sharing your photos. Let it be known that many of these photos are not mine!
Enjoy the pics. Doctor Fish eating the dead skin off my feet. Crazy feeling! Trying to keep your feet in any sort o decent condition in India is pretty much a joke. Doctor fish have no teeth but they feel like a million little bubbles on your feet and they tickle when they go between your toes!

Us, back from Elephant Islnd. Hungry and exhausted.

Back from Elephant Island....I think I am sick of taking pictures :)

Food...Kababs!!! Yeah.

Photo from the peak of Elephant Island.

So, we went to Elephant Island on Saturday and there are lots of monkies on the island.

This is coming back to the gate of India in Bombay after our trip to Elephant Island.

Sunset from the boat coming from Elephant Island back to Bombay.

Leaving Bombay to go to Elephant Island.

Buying train tickets. Please note the crazy schedule of operating hour. Insane.